Should You Get Out of Bed If You Can’t Sleep?

SHOULD YOU GET OUT OF BED IF YOU CAN’T SLEEP

Have you ever wondered if you really should get out of bed when you can’t sleep? 

Getting out of bed when you can’t sleep is common advice based on outdated recommendations, and I will explain why. 

It may make sense in theory, but there are some issues. So if you are tired of having to get out of bed multiple times a night, then keep reading.

So here's how the recommendation goes. You’re supposed to go to bed when you are tired, and then if you don’t fall asleep within 20-minutes or so, then you have to get out of bed and leave the bedroom to go do something relaxing. 

Then you are supposed to wait until you are tired again and go through the same thing over and over again. I remember doing this when I had insomnia, and I used to get so tired of leaving and going back to bed multiple times a night that I was getting stressed out and frustrated.

That does not sound fun to me, and I am here to give you permission to stay in bed if you like. If you prefer to go to the couch or somewhere else, that is fine as long as it’s not to reduce your association of the bed with wakefulness.

This practice comes from the CBTi world and is called conditioned arousal. Now, when it comes to insomnia, they say that when we are getting ready for bed, our beds and bedroom become associated with wakefulness, which triggers wakefulness in us, and then we can’t sleep.

The getting out of bed part is called stimulus control, and in CBTi, it’s a way to try and change the association.

This is very common, and we can’t easily change the association by getting out of bed.  When we have insomnia, our fear-based reactions and attempt to escape sleeplessness teach the brain that there is a threat out there, which triggers the fight-or-flight system. 

Your brain has become confused and now identifies wakefulness as a threat. No matter how often you get out of bed, you aren’t going to change that association, and that’s not going to teach your brain that you are safe, and that is just a way to avoid the situation and root cause of insomnia.

Yes, thinking about getting ready for bed and sleep can trigger that alertness because of our fear of sleeplessness.

Think about how common it is for people to spend time reading or watching tv in bed. They can hang out there and do whatever they want, and they don’t have trouble sleeping.

Have you ever thought about that? Why don't they have trouble sleeping? I definitely wondered how it was possible. I was jealous, and I wanted to be able to watch tv in bed as well.

It’s not the bed that is causing trouble sleeping, it’s the brain associating wakefulness with danger, so it triggers the fight or flight response. This is the whole reason insomnia happened right there. 

The problem with telling someone to get out of bed if they can't sleep is it creates a lot of performance anxiety. It gives a lot of pressure to fall asleep within the 20-minute time limit and pressure to get out of bed when you don’t want to.

This also leads to a lot of self-monitoring. As you try to fall asleep within 20-minutes, you will start wondering if it has been 20-minutes yet. Are you close to 20-minutes yet? I wonder how long I have been in bed.

Think about it, does that sound like that's going to really help you fall asleep? Not really. That's going to create a lot of sleep anxiety. 

What you need to do instead is teach your brain that you are safe. Show your brain that you are safe by being brave and not fearing wakefulness at night. Learn to be okay with being awake because you certainly can’t force sleep to happen. 

The less you try to escape wakefulness and the less you fear it, the more your brain will realize that you are safe and that you are okay. This is what will lead to more and more sleep.

I'm curious if you have done CBTi and what your experience was like. Let me know in the comments below.

If you found this post helpful, you might like my blog post about CBTi. Why I won’t use CBTi with My Clients.